Diary of a Working Mum

Listen, I used to think “cost of living” was just a fancy term for “paying for stuff.” But no, it’s a full-on conspiracy to keep my bank account on life support. Today I went to buy a coffee. I think I almosty died when the server told me the price. £7.50 to be exact. £7.50 for a cup of brown water with a squirt of oat milk that’s probably just dishwater in disguise. I think I am actually starting to be jealous of those who do not like coffee. It’s cheaper. I could’ve bought a whole coffee plantation in 1995 for that price.

The mortgage? Don’t get me started. My house is no mansion and has three small bedrooms, but it costs more per month than my parents’ rent for a four-bedroom house with a huge garden. Then there are the utilities. Apparently, I’m personally funding the national grid because my bill looks like I’m running a crypto mining operation in my spare room.

Then there’s the subscriptions that I find too easy to sign up to, and then not use. Netflix, Spotify, the random app that I signed up for to track my water intake, but yet I am more dehydrated than I have ever been. It’s like I’m renting my own life. I tried canceling Netflix, and they hit me with, “Are you sure? You’ll miss Generic Reality Show about real housewives!” Then I am sucked back in.

And food shopping? I bought a single banana and a loaf of bread, and the cashier was like, “That’ll be £9!.” I’m out here eating toast like it’s caviar, trying to use it as sparingly as possible. Meanwhile, my phone’s buzzing with ads for £200 air fryers that’ll “change my life and make sure I eat healthier.” Listen, I’m boiling eggs in a pot like it’s 1850. ‘m old schooI. I don’t need a Wi-Fi-enabled kitchen gadget. But I sure would like one!

Modern life is just too much. I’m one mortgage rate hike away from moving into a camper van and calling it “minimalism”, and try and make it trendy. If you need me, I’ll be bartering my old socks for a can of beans, dreaming of a world where I can afford to exist without selling my kidney for my weekly shop. Send help—or at least a coupon for discounted groceries!.

Cheerio

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